Have been so busy with my life. No time for friends and bf. I don't even have time for myself. Finally today, Im giving myself a day's off.

Yesterday was John's Birthday. As his gf, I feel that I didnt really put in effort to make his day a memorable one. Partly becoz both of us are broke. He is far worst than me. I wonder when I will be rich.

We ended up watch 'legally blond' at home. Watch it umteen times.. but this is the only way to subsitute with movies. Wanted to get a small cake for him but he stop me from getting one. Thought of getting a simple gift for him but he told me he will be angry if I do. He said the greatest gift was 'me'. Thats so sweet of him. I know he don't want me to spend any money and because of this, he is making me feeling so guilty.

He was so thankful and happy when I told him I am going to put aside my work and spend the day with him. Somehow, I didnt make his day a special one. It seems like its just a normal day. After getting a bad news from one of my prospect at night, my mood turn sour. I try to be happy in front of him but guess I cant hide. Im feeling even worst when he was about to return to his camp. Really wish to spend more time with him.

I really do hope he was happy yesterday. All these while I had hardly spend time with him even on weekends as I am so busy with my work. Really do miss him.; miss those days when we hang around aimlessly in Orchard, shopping, movies, etc...Our life have change ever since Im in this line, but our feeling are still as strong as ever :p

New Challenge

Cant really remember when is my last time updating my blog. Have been terribly busy with my work. I am now emotionally, physically and mentally drained. Im giving myself one day break. Hopefully I can feel recharge tml.

Have been in this insurance industry for one mth plus. Its like a trial period for me as I have been struggling to convince myself that I could do the job. Maybe my boss is right, I lack of self confidence. He mentioned that I had mental block that prevent me to go all out to excel. So what can I do to remove that mental block? Guess I am just worrying too much. I have been giving myself too much stress recently.

I have learnt a lot within this one month. Or rather, I have seen people's true colour. It its through this job makes me realise who are my real friends. And sad to say, I only have a few. There are many people out there trying to pull me down but instead of demorlising me, I am determine to prove these people wrong.

For now, I am trying to remove my mental block and just do my very best. I hope I can see results. For those who sincerely want to see me success, hope you guys can refer your friends to me if they happen to need my service. :p

Fengshi

Post subject: I don't know how to analysis my 4P

I have been job hunting for a while and now found a job as an insurance agent. I am not sure if this job suits me. If not, what kind of job suits me. Base on my 4Ps, what are the ways to improve my career, love ( or human connection), health and wealth. What are my strength and weakness. Thank you very much


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Hi dew73,

Quote:
I have been job hunting for a while and now found a job as an insurance agent. I am not sure if this job suits me. If not, what kind of job suits me.

How do you feel in your current job? Most important thing is - are you happy now than before. If you are, then stick to your job as it does fulfill that basic needs for survival. Insurance is about educating people about the caring - the need for savings - for health, education and family members. Selling insurance needs lot of patience.. just like a teacher.. a mother.
Your characteristics are like that - you do care for others.. and in many cases, brightens the life of others as well. Apart from being patience in educating, you also need good communication skills when selling insurance. As a matter of fact, you do have the patience and communication skillsets, and I believe, given time.. you'll find more comfort in current insurance job.

Quote:
Base on my 4Ps, what are the ways to improve my career, love ( or human connection), health and wealth. What are my strength and weakness.

Right now.. do not change your job for the sake of it.. and please.. if you can.. be less spendthift and 'showy'. be more humble.. Healthwise.. take care of your stomach and respiratory systems. And please, do not worry too much as it'll not get you to anywhere, without actions. Enjoy the sunshine whenever possible... exercise more. Once your self-strength has been strengthed, you'll find that you are able to maximise your potentials.... in both health/wealth...

---------------------------

A very good motivation for me for my current job. I am so surprise that this guy knows I am a spendthrift. Indeed a fengshi master.

A Happy Birthday after all

Was complaining about my unhappiness yesterday.My sis and my friend Linda did suprise me after what happened, and my birthday end happily ever after.....

My sis bought me a small cake. Thats sweet of her. Never thought she will get a cake for me. A simple celebration, cake taste yummy, and it brought joy to me.

The second surprise came when Linda told me she will be coming to my place. Thats very nice of her too.. in fact I was so touch. Shes the only one who meet me up after her long tiring work. Had a nice chat with her and truely enjoy her company. As she need to work tml, I urge her to go back earlier.

My birthday still ended happily. Thats what family and friends are for. Now I have a better picture of who are my true friends

Unhappy Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Well... my birthday wasnt a happy one. Was suppose to meet up 2 friends, but all turn me down in the last minute.

I attend my M9 exam in the morning. The paper was a hard one, perhaps its my birthday, so lady luck is by my side. Happily pass the paper, I called Linda out for lunch. Thank goodness shes free. So she treat me lunch in Raffles Place. After some shopping, we are back to suntec. My planning was to meet Justine after this, however, she doesnt sound keen and was telling me she wasnt feeling well. Ok, I understand, but I was only asking her to meet me up just for a few hours will do and shes just having a mild flu.. never mind then...

Plan to meet xiuyun for dinner in the evening and I was really looking forward. So in order to kill time, I roam around town area till it gets bored, I decided to head home as I am going to meet Xiuyun around my area.

While waiting for Xiuyun to call me, I spend sometime chatting with my secondary sch friend who was working nearby. Through the conversion, its obvious that she dun remember its my birthday. Guess its normal, I dont remember all my friends bday too.

As I waited, I had a bad feeling Xiuyun is going to turn me down in the last min. Called her, no answered. I was getting impatient. At last, a sms from her saying she had last minute plan, have to cancel our meeting. Ok.. Im fed up. Never had such disappointing birthday in my entire life. Not even a word sorry.

No Birthday Cake, No friends to meet up, No one to share my joy. This is my worst and most disappointing birthday in my entire life. But I am still glad theres some friends out there who remember my bday. A few called or sms me wishing me best of luck. Do appreciate that.. A big thank you for those who remember my birthday.

Personal Thoughts

Had just completed a 4 day intensive product course. It was damn exhausting. I never know being a financial adviser have to go through so much training and test. I have 3 more papers and 2 more product training to go. Had 2 papers yesterday and fail one of them.. have to retake again next friday.

During the product training, I got to know 2 cousemates. I am surprise to see how optimistic they are towards this field. Perhaps they have many friends promise to buy from them. Sometimes I really envy how supportive their friends are while I onli have a few close friends but all turn off when I approach them, thking that i want them to buy insurance from me . ok.. I understand they may not be interested and I wouldnt force them to buy. I just purly wanna market myself and what is wrong with that. I always wonder y my friends are not as supportive as the friends of my coursemates. Besides, my birthday is coming, I wonder how many of them will remember my birthday or will celebrate with me.

Anyway, during the third day of training, the trainer was trying to brainwash us by saying the market is always big enough for us to sell insurance. Well.. there is always a market for ppl like my cousemates who already have a network of friends or customers while I dun have such network. I am actually worry how am I going to hit their sales target when I dun even know where to find customers. For people like me, the beginning part of the business will be the toughest. Looking at it from another prospective, its a challenge for me. However, dream and reality is always the opposite. I wonder if I will ever make it in this industry. I thought of giving up when i realise theres still so many more training to go and not even sure after going through so much, will my effort pay off.

On the last day of the training, everyone was so relief that the hell training had ended. My coursemates were happily toking abt their future plans, goals and so on. How I wish I have goals and plans like them, however from my personal experience, I've learn a big lesson; things will never go the way i planned. So y bother planning so much. my cousemates were encouraging me not to give up this current insurance job as they say it might be my first stepping stone and even encourage me to take up other sideline jobs to get other different areas of exposure so that it helps me to be even clearer of what I really want.

However, I became very defensive when one of the coursemate was telling me its time for me to 'wake up' and not to wonder around aimlessly. Well.. he can never understand how does it feel being so clueless. Who doesnt wish to have a goal and work towards it? I know wat I want but I am not given the opportunity. Y is the society so inhumane? Y they always want people with experience and dun give people like me a chance to learn. I am frustrated with the society. Does it mean ppl with experience are always better with those non-experience? We need to start off somewhere before we can have the experience but I cant find anywhere who will appreciate my capability and give me a chance to learn.

So, are my coursemates really so lucky that they can get what they want or was it because of the broad network of friends, jobs can come easily? Or was it because they really have their so-called goals and know where to start from? Things seems to come easy for them. All the while, I always thought that success is about work the hell out of yourself, putting long hrs bounded to the desk. But if network is the reason that made them success, then it will make me more aware of the importance of broadening my social circle.

I not only learn more about insurance during the four day training, and I will definetly get myself a policy once i have some money. I finally know the importance and urgency to save up. Not onli that, I do learn many things from my coursemates as well. I have to thank my friend Justine for encouraging me not to give up and to Janice who always help me so much. Of coz to a few minority of friends who wouldnt think I cant make it.

Unlocking Secrets

Shhh......... I know its secret... and because of the secret I behold, nobody will get to know the real me

I had a close friend and I thought we are close enough to share every single detail of our life or even secret. Till recently, I found that she had been keeping things from me, and not only that, what she share with me wasn't true. I was disappointed and I no longer trust any single soul.

Everyone is fake; they greet you with a mask. You can never see their true identity unless they remove the mask.

Evil power is so strong in the real world. Eveyone needs to safe guard their secret to protect themself. I used to blame my friend for keeping secerts from me and now I realise Ive been keeping things from her too. We have the same fear, the same insecurities. And because of the fear, we can never strip ourself for the naked truth. I understand why she is keeping things away from me and no longer blame her. Its just that I wish she could trust me a little more.

I really admire friends who can show me their inner soul without having any fear. I know it took lots of courage for them to do, so thanks for being so trusting . Its really fun sharing secrets with you guys!!!!

No Perfect Job

I think I am a typical virgo; perfectionist.

Recently Ive been job hunting. Not very successful. Very flickle-minded coz I wanted to get the most perfect job. I know nothing is perfect. Well.....Guess I should try out this insurance job and stop hopping around for the perfect job.

Guys never know what a girl wants

I wonder why my boyfriend can hardly make me happy these days. Sometimes I feel happier being alone. Was the problem lies with me or him? Was it due to our age gap? Was it because we hardly see each other? Was it because our thinking are too different? Or was it because I am asking too much?

I always look forward to weekends just to see him. But we always ended up unhappy with each other. I know he loves me, but he just simply don't know what I want.

I want a man not a boy; having to look after a boy can be so tiring sometimes. I want a man who show me the world I never seen before, a man who spolit me with clothes I never imagine, a man who brings me to lavish dinner which I never tried before. Most of all, I want a man who can shelter me from all the worries. In short, I just want a man who leads me rather than I have to lead him all the time.

Am I asking too much?

My story

Its been quite a while since I came back from Australia. Emotionally, I felt much better but those 3 years nightmare in Australia had left a very bad side effect on me now.

I am trying to pick myself up. I am trying to forget those dark memories and live on. Somehow, life seems to be so cruel to me. I thought the dark memories can make me stronger but up to now, I am still struggling within myself.

I avoiding strangers, for I find them nuisance. I don't bother making new friends coz I just wish to be alone. I became reserve. Except for my boyfriend and close friends, I completely shut my world to others especially my parents; for I don't want them to see my insecurities.

My Parents:

A contradicting feelings for them. I resent them for not being able to understand me, for leaving me all alone when I need them, for loving me less than my sister, for making me feel like an out cast. I never feel I am part of the family. I always wonder whats the point bringing me to this world when they don't even want to care for me. Theres a statement by an author which I think its very true :
ALL PARENTS DAMAGE THEIR CHILDREN. Youth, like pristine glass, absords the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.

Despite the hatred, I still love them. They are still my parents afterall. and coz of that I am feeling so gulity for disappointing them. I know they lost hope on me for they count on me, but I let them down. I feel precisely the way my mother always describle: stupid, good for nothing, low intellecture, pig-brain....

I think I am really useless. I try to feel good about myself but theres no way I can convince that. I dunno what is the reason for my existance .Perhaps if one day I gone, I will soon be forgotten. Who will miss me if Im gone? Who will cry for me? Maybe only my boyfriend and close friends will remember me.

Friends:

Friends are getting lesser these days. Those whom I thought are my best friend hardly contact me now while those whom seldom look up to me in the past stay by me. It makes me realise who my real true friends are. They are there to share my ups and downs and of course I share their life too.

I don't have many friends left now. Could it because they feel I never accomplish anything, a good for nothing fellow? I don't give a shit what they think of me now. All I want is to cherish my remaining friends. They are the once who bring laughter to my life


My boyfriend:

He is the only one who tells me the world is still wonderful place . He shows me that Love is actually everywhere. He brings sunshine to my life. Thanks for everything.


Me:

I wish to live a simple and normal life, but life is too cruel sometimes. I wish I could go back to my carefree days when I have nothing to worry or unhappy about, but i dun have the power to turn back the time. I want to be strong to handle life, but i know I am weak. I don't want to be trap inside this 'unhappy well' forever, I just one to be happy.

Can someone help me?

What does your blood type mean?

This custom is said to have started in 1916 when some doctors in Japan made a medical report stating that people with Type A Blood were generally mild-tempered and intellectual, while people with Type B Blood were just the opposite. Today in Japan, blood type is popularly used as a personality-type indicator. Even though it hasn't been proven to have any scientific basis, many Japanese people believe in these distinctions to one degree or another

Type A
Speaking broadly, it is said that people with Type A Blood are calm, composed, and very level-headed and serious. They have a firm character, and are reliable and trustworthy (and hardheaded). They think things over and make plans deliberately, and they plug away at things steadily and assiduously. They try to make themselves more like their own ideal of what they should be. A Types may look aloof or distant to others. They try to suppress their own emotions, and because they have continual practice in doing this, this makes them appear strong. But, actually, they have a fragile, nervous side, as well. They tend to be hard on people who are not of the same type, and so they consequently tend to be surrounded with people of the same temperament.
Type B
People with Type B Blood are curious about and interested in everything. That's may be good, but they also tend to have too many interests and hobbies, and they tend to get all excited about something suddenly and then later drop it again just as quickly. But they do manage to know which of their many interests or loved ones are the ones that are really important, the ones they should hold on to. B Types tend to excel in things rather than just be average. But they tend to be so involved in their own world or become so carried away with something that they neglect other things. They have the image of being bright and cheerful, full of energy and enthusiasm, but some people think that they are really quite different on the inside. And it can also be said about them that they don't really want to have much real contact with others.
Type O
Type O Blood people are said to set the mood for a group and to take on the role of creating harmony among its members. Their image is one of taking it easy, of being peaceful and carefree. They are also thought to be big-hearted and benevolent, and they tend to spend money on others generously. O Types are generally "loved by all." But, they also, surprisingly, have a stubborn and strong-willed side, as well, and tend to secretly have their own opinions on things. On the other hand, they have the flexible, adaptable side of readily accepting new things. They are easily influenced by other people or by what they see on TV. They seem to appear level-headed and trustworthy, but they often slip and make big blunders inadvertently. But that is also the point that makes O Types lovable.
Type AB
People with Type AB Blood are said to have a delicate sensitivity. They are considerate of other people's feelings and deal with them with care and caution. On the other hand, though, they are strict with themselves and those close to them. They, therefore, seem to have two personalities: one for those "outside," and another for people on the "inside." They often become sentimental, and they tend to think too deeply about things. AB Types have a lot of friends, but they need time to be alone and think things through, as well.


Gee... I belong to type O...Im Lovable!!!!!

10th June 2005

Today is Friday 10th June 2005 and I am 23 and 9 mths old.
So what are my achievements?

Looks : Nil
X-factor : forget it

Boyfriend : 1
Ex-Boyfriend : 0
Friends : >10

Job : Jobless soon
Salary : **** per month
Savings : $400 in bank
Career : Nil

Highest Qualification: Diploma
IQ : not sure perhaps 100
EQ : Low

Short-term planning : aimless
Mid-term planning : aimless
Long-term planning : aimless

Will update my life achevement if any chances.

Finally

Today is the day he go for his enlistment finally. Woke up at 6.40am to get prepared. Not really looking foward to this day. His brother took the effort to drive us to the ferry terminal. Had a little moment together during the journey. Can tell he is so reluctant to go.

Saw lots of blur blur looking boys at the ferry terminal, waiting to board the ferry. Maybe they are feeling insecure like my bf.

Spend the whole morning at Pulau Tekong. Had a tour around his camp and had a slight idea how is training ground is like. My first time touring around the island, so was rather excited about it. Was surprise the army camp looks more like a country club than a rundown sick looking training ground.

Kinda relief that one of his poly classmate was there as well.. at least I know he wouldn't be alone during his first few days in the camp. Had lunch together with him before leaving the island.

Im all alone at the moment. A sense of solitude. Not used to that feeling. Now I truly understand how he felt when I left for Australia. It wasn't easy for him especially leaving him here all alone for 10 months.

Right now, I should start planning my weekends to meet up with friends.Havent been in touch with them for quite sometimes and feel rather bad. Partly becoz of wanting to spend more time with my boy be4 he leave, and oso ... Im broke again. sigh. Hope they understand.

TIme flys

Now is June... time really flys without me knowing sometimes.... and in 2 days time.. my boy will have to go for his enlistment.

How I wish I can freeze the moment I spend with him. For the past few months, we spend lots of ups and downs together. I glad he is always by my side when my life turns upside down. Having seeing each other everyday, I became very dependent on him. Now he is about to leave, I'm not sure if I could handle his absence.

I know I will miss him a lot for Im definately not able to see him for 2 weeks.Im sure Im able to get adjusted to his absence as we had been separated for even long period than 2 weeks. Don't wan him to worry about me.

All I can do now is to spend time with him as much as possible, thus on leave tml... So hope there will be no quarrel :p

NS

My boy is gonna enlist soon.... sooner than I thought... I gonna miss him like crazy when he is not around

Online Shopping

Ive been hook up with ebay shopping lately. Not that Im lazy to walk around for items but rather.. the place have bored me. Base on my finanical status now, I can only afford window shopping.. but even then I still cant get the thrill out of it. Not because I cant buy them, its because they are dull and boring too... just like the place here.

My life is not going very fine lately, but I learn to take things easy and take a step each time. Althought Ive learn to move on, I still have to deal with people who never seem to stand by me. I dun think I should mention who these people are. For those who are close even to me, perhaps they will know who Im refering to.

Im very determine to pick myself up again. I wana feel happy and good about myself. So in order to achieve this happiness in a short-term manner, I turn to window shopping. People might feel Im weird but Im truely happy when I get to see all the exciting latest design for the current season and admiring interesting and colourful accessories brighten up my life for few seconds. These short-term happiness is enough for me to move on with my life with strength however, things are quite a disappointment here. The shops here are so stale. I feel like Im running out of energy.

Since reality shopping cant fulfill me, I turn to e-shopping. I never thought that online shopping can be so fun, but can be tiring sometimes.. for you have to stare the screen for long hours. Sitting comfortably in front of my laptop, I could even do 'global shopping'. I could shop in hong kong and taiwan's ebay site at the same time and if Im not happy with it, I could change my shopping destination by just one click. How convienient it is. Recently, I had successfully bid a pink halter neck top. Looking forward to my latest item. And now, Im trying to make a deal with a taiwan seller.

Online shopping is base on luck as well as I don't get to see good stuff all the time. But with some patience, you may end up with a good buy.. like me. And now, Ive found my motivation to take a bigger step to true happiness. WAHAHAHAHA

right or wrong

Sometimes I really wonder if the choice I made is right or not.
Am I really such a sinful person that even my closest kin ignore me entirely.
Am I right or am I wrong, till now I still dun know the answer.