Goodbye 2004

This is the last day of 2004. I'm sitting alone in front of the computer while others were happily welcoming the new year. Hope my boy is enjoying himself rite now. Completely too exhausted to join in the fun after long hours of work. Perhaps I'm realy getting old.

Personally feel that 2004 is not an eventful year for me.. as well as for global. Theres war, political conflict, death of some well-known celebrity, the end of streats and mediacorp, and the tusnami that destroy thousands of live blah blah blah... And as for me... of course its not a happy year, therefore I was hoping things will change for the better in 2005. I'm looking forward to the new challenge and I hearby thank eveyone who has been there supporting me when I was in my darkest moment.

MISERY

My 3 years of youth have been wasted gaining nothing but failure, sadness, loneliness and emptiness. My life is not in control; a real- life puppet. My days are dark and I can see no light of hope shining upon me. Completely lost in the sea, waiting for someone to tell me the right direction to my destination. And I'm still waiting.

Perhaps I'm not as strong as I thought. I have lost the battle. I am willing to give up and surrender myself to end the suffering, but I do not have the luxury to do so. I have no idea how long I have to endure the agony but I really wish the pain can end soon.

Can someone please help me? I'm feeling really miserable.

Miss her

My days are almost up. I'm going home to spend my vacation soon. I'm suppose to feel happy and looking forward to that day but somehow I'm feeling the opposite since yesterday.

All of a sudden I knew I'm gonna miss here but most of all, I'm gonna miss a very important friend in my life, a great deal. Still remember those wonderful days I spent with her.. she is my one and only friend who really brought joy to my life. Shared all the ups and downs with her and I really glad to have her as a friend. But seems like this year is not a very good year for both of us; we don't seem to have much time for each other and had some misunderstanding. I admit i'm kinda childish and created misunderstanding between us, but that doesn't seem to bother her.

Juz met her during her 2 hours break. Thought we didn't hang out for long, but it's already enough for me. I was wondering why I never seem to cherish the time I spend with her this year and really regreted it. Though life is tough here, I don't mind turning back the time just to spend more time with her coz we are gonna part for good next year.

So far, we only left a few more days for each other and we will definately gonna make full use of these time. This green page is specially delicated to her ( one of her favourite colour) and hope our friendship is able to last forever even after we are going for different path and destination. I wish her all the best in life and find her 'man' one day.

Take care while I'm not around, and thanks a million for being my friend. I'm gonna miss ya

Is Life A Miracle

Who am I? An how, I wonder, how the story of my life will end?

Perhaps everyone's story isnt easy to explain, so is mine. My life is not the 'roaring' spectacular I fancied it would be, but neither its a mellow and dull one. I suppose it has been fairly stable for the time being), and sad to say, more downs than ups. A good buy, a lucky buy, and I've learned that not everyone can say this about his/her life. Well... I am nothing special; I am juz a common girl with common thoughts and leading a very common life. I know my name will be forgotten when Im no longer around but I've love another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.

Would it be the love story of my life? Will it be a tough and spectacular one which can last over time? To me, it does'nt really concern coz I believe this is going to involve a great deal of my life and the path I've chosen to follow.

He has written the very first chapter of my love story, and he facinated me with the world which I had never seen or felt before. He had taught me what is love. Love is actually all around; mother to child's love, friends to friends' love boyfriend to girlfriend's love... and I've learned that Love is not an easy path for it is not always straight. People changed, people grow and get sad sometimes. The greatest love are those who overcome obstacles as they have withstand things that are thrown onto them.

So far, the road that we had travelled is still a very short one; there's long way ahead of us. We have overcome the first obstacle and there will be many others to come. But I still believe this is still the one true love that is able to withstand tough times. I believe it is a miracle to have found him.

PIMPLES!!!!

HELP!!!! PIMPLES ARE BACK AGAIN!!!! SIGHHH.... Y CANT I HAVE A SPOTLESS SKIN FOR A MOMENT?? WHY !!!!!?????!!!!!

CONGRAS!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!!! ANOTHER FRIEND OF MINE IS GETTING MARRIED SOON !!!!! SO HAPPY FOR HER !!!! REALLY WISH HER ALL THE BEST ... HEHE

I've seen my friends... one by one getting married.... happy for them to have found their soulmate finally..... hehe... so when will be my turn???

Always dreaming of becoming a future tai tai... having huge sparkling diamonds shining on me ...hehehe.... so will I get myself a rich husband??!!???... ok... I know I'm dreaming too much... its time to get back to reality.

Time is passing so slowly

22 more days to go... time seems to be crawling... still have a week to go before nov... sigh.... felt as though im rotting ...

I always wonder am I a living shadow of my mum... Im born to be her puppet. After all these years living behind her shadow, I felt Im so vunerlable when I have to face the world alone. She claims that she loves me, but I doubt so. I am just her 'investment' for her own good.

Well... she is not really a bad mum... she is trying to provide me anything I wan in watever possible way... unlike my father. But I felt so soffocated. My life, my future is run by her... I dun have the luxury to determine my life.

I always wonder why did she bring me out to this world when she never stood by me a single times. I juz felt that I had enough. I wanted to break free of the strings attach to me. I juz wan her to stay out of my business.

LOVE IS ALL AROUND

24 more days to go gals.... hope theres something to cheer up the house....


What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love,
It's the only thing that there's just too little of.
No, not just for some but just for every, every, everyone.

Im Sick....:(

Envy ah hua... she's heading to Hong Kong today... hope she enjoy herself....

Down with fever these 2 days... maybe I over-worked.... over strain my body... guess I might need at least 2 weeks break from work.... or maybe I might stop working.... dun thk this job suits me...

wan my bear bear leh... miss him leh.... :( 26 more days to go... hehe.... looking forward to see him..

MY HAIR!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!! My hair is now a disaster..... jas juz helped me to get my hair dye... well... the colour never turn out the way i expected....sighhh..... i will never trust DIY hair dye again... How am I going to face my boy with my hair like this?!?!?!?!

The Doom Week

It seems like the week of death.... 3 great people had died. Christopher Reeve died of heart failure without having to fuilfilled his last dream. A French Philosopher, Jacques Derrida died at the age of 74. Keith Miller died at the age of 84. Who's next?

Was watching My Architect- a son's journey. A truely touching documentation. Its basically toking about Louis kahn's project and life. And this is the first time, I learn to appreaciate architecture in a spirital level. And for the first time, I begin to understand what is architecture.

Someone used to ask me what is architecture. Frankly speaking, being an architecture student, I cant define it. I thought I'm a loser not being able to find a style of my own, till I watched this film, Kahn found his style only in his 50's or 60's.

I always wonder will I ever become someone big like him, but that means to sacrifice the devotion to those love ones... life is not easy, especially being an artist. This film has inspired me; not to be a super great architect, but not giving up architecture.

http://www.myarchitectfilm.com/

I used to wonder who and where is my ' somewhere out there',
now I have found him in this big big world,
I wondered will he be my eternity.

:( I havent been chatting with my boy for ages.....

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Life

Its 230 am... supposingly... I should be tired... but a sudden unexpected bad news have kept me awake...thought it is not related to me but somehow it haunts me...

Had a mix feeling... confused, sad, perplex.... whatever you can name... sudden realised how fragile life is... well.. I've known this fact ... but the bad news had given me a waking call; Life is too precious. Someone might be there.. having a short chat with you.. the next minute.. he is gone, forever. How 'amazing' it is.

It made me realised how much I've taken ppl around me for granted. I don't even seem to treasure those dearest to me. Even for friends... sometimes I can't even bother to contact them. I've expect them to be always there for me anytime, anywhere. I procrastinate to pick up the phone to call my friends or to show that I care to my love ones. Never realised that one day, they will leave me and never return.

Well... keep reminding myself that life is preious, but I never take my life seriously. I always know I have not live to my fullest but I never take the effort to live the way I want or to make the best out of everything. Always grumble how unfair or bad life is, I never care to appreciate those happy moments or any form of success in life.

Its time for me to buck up. I've wasted enough time. I have to find the purpose of living ( I guess and I hope I have found), to cherish every single moment spend with my love ones and friends, and of course myself.

pink flower?? 

Purple flower?? 

SPRING!!!! So happy to see flowers outside the front and back yard 

Im back!!!

Has been away from computer for quite sometime... had quite a no. of things to update... hehe

Previously, Jas, her friend Sam and I went to Melbourne show last sunday... its like a mega fun-fair... still remember the weather was very 'frickle minded' on that day....one minute... it was cold and windy... next minute... it was sorching hot... the weather doesn't seem to be able to make up its mind.. and I have to put on sweater and for the next minute when the weather changes its mind.. i have to take off again... but other than the funny weather.. the three of us enjoy ourselves...

Didnt go for rides... I'm too old for that... but I manage to win myself a small tiny fish... hehe... well... dun get the wrong idea... its not a live fish... hehe... Sam manage to win a huge pink poodle... lucky for her.. I never got to win anything huge in my life... sob... as for Jas... guess these r too kiddy for her liking... during late noon... we went to see some farm animals show... kinda fastinating for me.. we watch how the farmers shed the sheep's wool... the poor sheep seems so frighten by the whole process...

By night time... we manage to catch the fireworks.. at least theres something spectacular for the day... and its also the last day of Melbourne show... all of us were extremely exhausted by the time we got home...

And on tuesday.. Janice , Jasmine and I were having mooncake festival celebration.... haha... our initial plan was to take a stroll around our neighbourhood with lantern.... but the weather seems to be getting quite bad... windy and raining... no moon for us to admired...sighh.... although aving such bad weather outside... we did have fun after all... had mooncake with green tea... had fun taking pics of one another.... having some girls talk... not a bad full moon day after all...

For now... i'm still figuring how am I suppose to post my image onto my post.... seems like i'm still a computer dummy

Today

Its approaching 7pm... I could see the sun setting behind the horizon from my window... the sky is almost engulf by darkness... houses were dimmly lit... what a serene sight.
I could hear a bird singing happily not from far... in fact I could hardly hear such beautiful 'song' after being here for abt 7 months ... it cheers me up suddenly... then came the noise of the barking,disrupting the peace... not very please by that... few minutes later.... everything seems to halt. And now I'm living in a quiet world, with the sound of the typing of keyboard occasionally..

Today is Saturday, its suppose to be a 'fun' day to hang out.... but I chose to isolate myself in my own world; a world with no distraction. I've found the calm and peace in me... I gain energy being alone today.

Personality test

You are Black Koala who has purity and sweetness of a girl.
And no matter how old you get, you can stay youthful.
Your attitude is very straight forward and bald.
You have quick mind, and a sharp instinct to read the other person's mind.
You are an active woman.
Nevertheless, you also possess a motherly character.
You are kind and can show consideration to others.
You tend to be rather argumentative, and will not accept something that is unreasonable.
It takes time to gain your consent.
You are independent, and has a challenging spirit to achieve your objectives and ideals.
Once you start on something, you will not give up half way, or show weakness.
You know how to get on in life, and are a calculative woman.
Economic wise, you've got your feet steadily on the ground.
You are rather suspicious type of person.
You don't tend to take every word of other person straightly.
You try to read behind the lines, very carefully.
You tend to get lost in your thought.
You think high of sports and training.
Nevertheless, you also think a lot about art, and are a romantic sort of person.
Even after you get married, you can be successful as a professional.

http://noracom.net/eng/fortune/fortune.php

Hmmm... Im definitely not a calculative woman.. not very economic wise.. those who know me well will disagree on this too...keke... I can spend like nobody's business...
tend to lost in my thoughts??? does that mean I day dream too often??? hmm... maybe... but I don't thk I thk high of sports and training...... I dun thk im a romantic sort of person.. but I'm craving my partner to be..

But of everything description written up there... i should say im 100% gal of purity and sweetness..hehe... agree??

So guys.... try that out too... I got it from my cousin....

Me VS Technology

Gee... juz discovered a way to upload image to my blog... duh... thats very slow of me huh... not being able to see the "upload image/file" icon that has been there all the time. Well.. guess I havent fully explored all the functions provided in blogger.. seems like a war between me and the technology.

A couple of days ago, had a serious problem with my internet explorer. For a few sec.. I could read chinese characters but it becomes ??? ????? ?? after that... am I the only one who encounter this? only funny things happen to me... guess only my cousin will understand this more than anyone else.

So for hours, my boy and I were trying to tackle the problem but it juz got worst. Can't use my internet explorer at all.. cant open any folder, not even ' my document' or 'my computer'. The computer juz refused to coperate with me. It was really late that time, and we knew we loss the battle. Finally, we surrendered.

And thanks a lot... since I couldn't open any drive nor folder, I couldnt backup my file. Thanks to my saviour ah hua.. you should know who you are...manage to backup all my files under safe mode.. before I reformat my computer....was kinda sad... as I've established a personal structure for my computer.. and they are now gone forever....sob..goodbye..xp..goodbye to my programs...

So now.. It seems like I've given this computer a new life.. but I don't feel intimate using it... dun feel like its my com...anyway... things seems to be pretty fine for the moment.. hope technology wouldnt go against me again.. or else it will be ' me against technology'..keke...

MY DAY

Suppose to have a morning class... woke up at 8.45am... still feeling very lethargic and decided to give it a miss... continue back to my dreamland..keke.. Had a weird dream... I had a male china maid around my age... we kinda click along very well.... nothing interesting... juz find it perplex as I had no idea what is this dream trying to convey.

Woke up again at 11am.... still pretty slack.. lazing around... surfing the net.. before i started preparing to go for school... Havent done anything for design.. oppsss... and thats only a few more hrs away...

So I took my own sweet time.. head to school and do some work... luckily I had the idea in my mind... and it too me less than half an hr to sketch out my new proposal...

Join Janice and Jas for shopping... I didnt shop much... as its pretty late when I join them and they had done most of the shopping in the city... but seems like theres nothing refreshing for this spring collection, though I agree that the spring collection this year is so much better than the year before.

Anyway.. went for my tut in the evening... was glad that my tutor like my new proposal... and that means I have to re-do all my research as I've change site again for my major project... Like this new proposal too... can c lots of potiential in it...keke... so after class... went for dinner with Phoebe and head straight home after that...

Was reading news juz now and was devastated by the death of the american vit in Iraq. Iraqian r so inhuman... had no idea y americans r still there trying to rebuild the country for them... and thats wat theyve got in return.. I understand theres more political issue behind everything... but cant help feeling so unjustice for the hostage, Eugene Armstrong... he died in pain, his captor servered his head alive.. I understand not all musim will support this act and these captors are extremist..but it seems like a holy war, though George Bush is strongly empasizing that its not... well...the world can never be peace... terroristism can never be wipe out... only human kind will be banish one day from the earth.

Well... nothing every eventful today.. but the day is being occupied...hehe... and now im sitting in front of this computer typing my blog.. waiting for the right time to call my boy... miss him.. :)

青春

如果我可以左右时间,
不让青春轻易走远,
每一个等待你的画面,
永远都留在身边。

如果我可以拥有世界,
我要一片广阔的天,
挂满了朋友们的笑脸让
每一天都快乐相见。

但是我依然是一个平凡忧郁的女生，
只能将你写在一本心灵的日记，
让他随风筝飞扬。

HOME

Whenever I am feeling low
I look around me and I know
There's a place that will stay within me
Wherever I may choose to goI will always recall the city
Know every street and shore
Sail down the river which brings us life
Winding through my Singapore

This is home truly, where I know I must be
Where my dreams wait for me, where that river always flows
This is home surely, as my senses tell me
This is where I won't be alone, for this is where I know it's home

Music & Lyrics: Dick LeeMusic
Arrangement: Iskandar
Kit Chan

Good or Bad

Everything that happens in this world,
there is no absolute good or bad.
Sometimes good things turned out to be bad things eventually,
while bad things become a gain.

Whatever good things that happen to you, enjoy it,
but dun hae to hold too tight to it,
treat it as a surprise in life.

Whatever bad things that happen to you,
dun have to feel sad or despair,
in the end, it might not be a total bad thing after all.

If one can understand this,
one will find life much easier

so Near yet so Far

Our neighbours behind our house had moved out a week ago. Kinda miss them... well.. dun be mistaken.. we did not speak to each other at all.. I had no clue where r they from, what was their background, reason they moved out and blah blah blah. I used to catch a glimpse of their daily activities from my window. Now they were gone.. theres a sudden sense of emptiness whenever I look out of the window.

In fact, I dun know my neighbours living next to us. I dun know anyone living around me. Every morning, we will enage in our own business and by night fall, we will return home,confine ourself, and it leaves no chance to get to know the world. Theres no sense of community of the town. Everyone is like " I care for my own, juz mind ur own business" attitute. Is this phenomenom a normal one?

Guess thats got to do with the heirachy of the society. In urban city, it looks as if one is living in a world of coldness. Everyone is so preoccupied, competing each other to out shine their material status. No one will have time for humanity or even politics. On the other hand, while I was in a rural little town in Malaysia, people are totally opposite. Their friendliness and warmth touches my heart. I never felt like I've ever exist before.

So back to the point, our neighbours are close to us.. but yet so distant and this saddens me sometimes. While the world becomes more and more dehumanised, survival depends on re-inviting your perspective. Perhaps I should make the first move and make friends with our neighbours.

Egg mayonnaise. Curry. "My king size bed"

Had a wonderful dream again... nothing interesting.. but having to be able to dream of my boy can really make my day :) A very fade dream... all I remember is that my boy is still in his secondary school day while I had graduated from my former secondary school.. we were on the way. While I stop by my sch to visit my teachers, my boy continue his journey to his school. These are all I can remember... Really wish to go back to those carefree seconday school days...

It was almost noon time when I woke up. My sleeping habit is getting out of hand ever since Im here... spend about 20 mins making my very own egg mayonnaise sandwich for lunch... yummy... and that last me the whole afternoon.

In the late afternoon, Janice, Ah min and I went out to stock up our fridge.. our stock is running out!!! Janice suggested to have curry for dinner.. CURRY!!!! OMG!!! Haven been eating singapore food for long... miss the food there... anyway... the curry turn out to be a good one..hehe... Im not a good curry maker... but will try to cook some for my family...(my dad's curry is too horrible...shhhhhh....)

Haven't done much stuff, but half the day had gone. Night time... trying to pack my room... its as messy as ever... I've tried my best to keep it tidy.. but it seems so hard.. did some face lift to my room... haha... its juz changing the arrangement of my room... so now... I have a "king size" bed in my room... envy rite..keke... ok.. dun get it wrong.. I didnt buy a new bed. I juz took Janice xtra single futon mattress next to mine.. to double up.. so now.. it seems like I've got a brand new "king size" bed for myself. Anyone who is homeless at the moment, feel free to come to my house.. my bed will have enough room for at least 3 people now.

Didn't accomplish much the whole day... juz laze around. ..feel like im draining my life doing nothing constructive the whole day...Boy Boy is working the whole weekends to meet dead ends..can only call him at 3am... sighh.... really miss him... was wondering if he is very busy now.

Disappointment

Juz finish conversion with my bf not long ago... was feeling kinda down after we hang up.... once more... he had disappoint me.... never felt secure...

Perhaps I'm asking too much from him... I'm after perfection... but he is juz like any other human, full of flare. Although I understand the fact that no one is perfect, its still my nature to demand as much from him as I can, expecting him to meet up my expectation. Ok.. I know... Im not asking for a bf, Im asking for a genie who can fulfill all my wishes...

Sometimes I really wonder if I know how to love someone. I know Im not a good lover; my bf says im not romantic enough (which I disagree). Really hate myself for being so bad to him.

Still remember Janice and Ah min was telling me not to take him for granted. Immediately I knew I'm a bully in this relationship. Ever since then, I tell myself I have to be nice to him.. for he is really a wonderful bf... I dun wish to loss him... but not for tonite... I becoming a bully again... making my boy so miserable, and so do I. Regret for giving him cold shoulder.

Really love him... cant find any other guy better than him. Ah min told me something which kinda had an impact on me.." always remember for his love, not silly mistake"... Hope my boy can read this tml, to let him know how remorseful I am now... I will try my best to change for him... trying not to be a perfectionist.. as I dun wanna put any pressure on him..

Guess he must be in dreamland by now... am wondering if he dream of me... Had a bad flu juz now.. wish he get better tml.

The Begining

Never thought that customizing ur own blog can be so tedious... perhaps its my first time. Trying to make it as perfect as it can be.
Woke up pretty early today, guess abt 9... the moment i wake up.. i start figuring how to add features into my blog. Never been so hardworking be4..haha... hardworking in the wrong area...
Hoping to get the blog done by today.... might not be possible...have to ask my sister's friend for help now... so god damn tired after spending the whole morning in front of the computer. Havent brush my teeth.. so u can expect i havent even had my breakfast and lunch...
Ive put all my hope on my sis friend.. hope by the end of the day... I will have a brand new blog

:)

Welcome the arrival of Spring

The lilies in the back yard are blooming... they really cheer me up whenever I look at them from my window,with the breeze flowing through them,they seem to be dancing with joy.

The presence of flowers blossoming is a sign that spring is coming.
After having to endure harsh winter here.. I begin to appreciate the weather in Singapore.
Really love spring, my mood will pick up after having to go through the gloomy winter days.
During the winter, the sun usually set at 5, leaving the sky dark and grey. Was a little depress having to see the sun setting off so soon, making the day time shorter than usual.

Looking out the window now, I can feel the sun is greeting me happily, as if its telling me theres hope each and every single day. Sometimes I really wish I could share this moment with my love ones, especially my boy, for he is now going through one of the stressful moment in life. keke. How I wish he is by my side now, for I want to share my joy of spring with him

How Deep Is Your Love

I know your eyes in the morning sun
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain
And the moment that you wander far from me
I wanna feel you in my arms again
And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love and then softly leave
And it's me you need to show

How deep is your love
I really need to learn
'cause we're living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul
You're the light in my deepest darkest hour
You're my saviour when I fall
And you may not think I care for you
When you know down inside
That I really do
And it's me you need to show

How deep is your love
I really need to learn
'cause we're living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me