right or wrong

Sometimes I really wonder if the choice I made is right or not.
Am I really such a sinful person that even my closest kin ignore me entirely.
Am I right or am I wrong, till now I still dun know the answer.

Goodbye 2004

This is the last day of 2004. I'm sitting alone in front of the computer while others were happily welcoming the new year. Hope my boy is enjoying himself rite now. Completely too exhausted to join in the fun after long hours of work. Perhaps I'm realy getting old.

Personally feel that 2004 is not an eventful year for me.. as well as for global. Theres war, political conflict, death of some well-known celebrity, the end of streats and mediacorp, and the tusnami that destroy thousands of live blah blah blah... And as for me... of course its not a happy year, therefore I was hoping things will change for the better in 2005. I'm looking forward to the new challenge and I hearby thank eveyone who has been there supporting me when I was in my darkest moment.

MISERY

My 3 years of youth have been wasted gaining nothing but failure, sadness, loneliness and emptiness. My life is not in control; a real- life puppet. My days are dark and I can see no light of hope shining upon me. Completely lost in the sea, waiting for someone to tell me the right direction to my destination. And I'm still waiting.

Perhaps I'm not as strong as I thought. I have lost the battle. I am willing to give up and surrender myself to end the suffering, but I do not have the luxury to do so. I have no idea how long I have to endure the agony but I really wish the pain can end soon.

Can someone please help me? I'm feeling really miserable.

Miss her

My days are almost up. I'm going home to spend my vacation soon. I'm suppose to feel happy and looking forward to that day but somehow I'm feeling the opposite since yesterday.

All of a sudden I knew I'm gonna miss here but most of all, I'm gonna miss a very important friend in my life, a great deal. Still remember those wonderful days I spent with her.. she is my one and only friend who really brought joy to my life. Shared all the ups and downs with her and I really glad to have her as a friend. But seems like this year is not a very good year for both of us; we don't seem to have much time for each other and had some misunderstanding. I admit i'm kinda childish and created misunderstanding between us, but that doesn't seem to bother her.

Juz met her during her 2 hours break. Thought we didn't hang out for long, but it's already enough for me. I was wondering why I never seem to cherish the time I spend with her this year and really regreted it. Though life is tough here, I don't mind turning back the time just to spend more time with her coz we are gonna part for good next year.

So far, we only left a few more days for each other and we will definately gonna make full use of these time. This green page is specially delicated to her ( one of her favourite colour) and hope our friendship is able to last forever even after we are going for different path and destination. I wish her all the best in life and find her 'man' one day.

Take care while I'm not around, and thanks a million for being my friend. I'm gonna miss ya

Is Life A Miracle

Who am I? An how, I wonder, how the story of my life will end?

Perhaps everyone's story isnt easy to explain, so is mine. My life is not the 'roaring' spectacular I fancied it would be, but neither its a mellow and dull one. I suppose it has been fairly stable for the time being), and sad to say, more downs than ups. A good buy, a lucky buy, and I've learned that not everyone can say this about his/her life. Well... I am nothing special; I am juz a common girl with common thoughts and leading a very common life. I know my name will be forgotten when Im no longer around but I've love another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.

Would it be the love story of my life? Will it be a tough and spectacular one which can last over time? To me, it does'nt really concern coz I believe this is going to involve a great deal of my life and the path I've chosen to follow.

He has written the very first chapter of my love story, and he facinated me with the world which I had never seen or felt before. He had taught me what is love. Love is actually all around; mother to child's love, friends to friends' love boyfriend to girlfriend's love... and I've learned that Love is not an easy path for it is not always straight. People changed, people grow and get sad sometimes. The greatest love are those who overcome obstacles as they have withstand things that are thrown onto them.

So far, the road that we had travelled is still a very short one; there's long way ahead of us. We have overcome the first obstacle and there will be many others to come. But I still believe this is still the one true love that is able to withstand tough times. I believe it is a miracle to have found him.

PIMPLES!!!!

HELP!!!! PIMPLES ARE BACK AGAIN!!!! SIGHHH.... Y CANT I HAVE A SPOTLESS SKIN FOR A MOMENT?? WHY !!!!!?????!!!!!

CONGRAS!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!!! ANOTHER FRIEND OF MINE IS GETTING MARRIED SOON !!!!! SO HAPPY FOR HER !!!! REALLY WISH HER ALL THE BEST ... HEHE

I've seen my friends... one by one getting married.... happy for them to have found their soulmate finally..... hehe... so when will be my turn???

Always dreaming of becoming a future tai tai... having huge sparkling diamonds shining on me ...hehehe.... so will I get myself a rich husband??!!???... ok... I know I'm dreaming too much... its time to get back to reality.

Time is passing so slowly

22 more days to go... time seems to be crawling... still have a week to go before nov... sigh.... felt as though im rotting ...

I always wonder am I a living shadow of my mum... Im born to be her puppet. After all these years living behind her shadow, I felt Im so vunerlable when I have to face the world alone. She claims that she loves me, but I doubt so. I am just her 'investment' for her own good.

Well... she is not really a bad mum... she is trying to provide me anything I wan in watever possible way... unlike my father. But I felt so soffocated. My life, my future is run by her... I dun have the luxury to determine my life.

I always wonder why did she bring me out to this world when she never stood by me a single times. I juz felt that I had enough. I wanted to break free of the strings attach to me. I juz wan her to stay out of my business.

LOVE IS ALL AROUND

24 more days to go gals.... hope theres something to cheer up the house....


What the world needs now,
Is love, sweet love,
It's the only thing that there's just too little of.
No, not just for some but just for every, every, everyone.

Im Sick....:(

Envy ah hua... she's heading to Hong Kong today... hope she enjoy herself....

Down with fever these 2 days... maybe I over-worked.... over strain my body... guess I might need at least 2 weeks break from work.... or maybe I might stop working.... dun thk this job suits me...

wan my bear bear leh... miss him leh.... :( 26 more days to go... hehe.... looking forward to see him..

MY HAIR!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!! My hair is now a disaster..... jas juz helped me to get my hair dye... well... the colour never turn out the way i expected....sighhh..... i will never trust DIY hair dye again... How am I going to face my boy with my hair like this?!?!?!?!

The Doom Week

It seems like the week of death.... 3 great people had died. Christopher Reeve died of heart failure without having to fuilfilled his last dream. A French Philosopher, Jacques Derrida died at the age of 74. Keith Miller died at the age of 84. Who's next?

Was watching My Architect- a son's journey. A truely touching documentation. Its basically toking about Louis kahn's project and life. And this is the first time, I learn to appreaciate architecture in a spirital level. And for the first time, I begin to understand what is architecture.

Someone used to ask me what is architecture. Frankly speaking, being an architecture student, I cant define it. I thought I'm a loser not being able to find a style of my own, till I watched this film, Kahn found his style only in his 50's or 60's.

I always wonder will I ever become someone big like him, but that means to sacrifice the devotion to those love ones... life is not easy, especially being an artist. This film has inspired me; not to be a super great architect, but not giving up architecture.

http://www.myarchitectfilm.com/

I used to wonder who and where is my ' somewhere out there',
now I have found him in this big big world,
I wondered will he be my eternity.

:( I havent been chatting with my boy for ages.....

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