Disappointed

Im back again.

All I can say now is, my heart is bleeding badly.... Can god tell me what I should do?

Lost

Its been long since I last wrote on my blog. I guess this blog has been long forgotten; which can be a good thing as this can be a channel for my secret hideout.

Years passed. When I read through this blog, I realised that how much have changed but I still achieve nothing all these years. I also get to learn that the more hopeful I am, the more disappointment I will get.

I feel that I failed in my career and my relationship. As for relationship, after almost 6 years together, I longed for a happy ending but he never proposed. I seriously doubt if he is committed to me. Until today, he is still broke. Y am I dating with someone who doesnt have any idea how to manage his finance, how have no urgency to settle down with me and a slacker. Disappointed. Full of disappointment.

I don't know who I can turn to. I feel so lonely suddenly. Cried. Cried the whole day. But what can crying do? It cant help to improve the situation.

Speaking of improving situation, I thought I had tried my very best to help him in anyway. Yet, no improvement but instead, its getting worst. I'm tired. Really tired. I don't know what I should do to help him. No words can describe how tired I am. I ran out of idea of how I can help him.

Yes, I know life is about choice. I can choose to dump him. However, there's always a 'but' in life. My 'but' is.. I don't know why it is so hard to give him up. I'm confuse. I don't know what I should do. If God really exist, can he guide me?

My Final day

I have been waiting for this day for so long. I cant imagine I dutifully serving this company for one year and one month. I am so relief. I do hope I can have a brand new start at my new working environment.

Wish me luck!!

I am stupid

He says I am stupid, just because I do not know certain things. Who are born to know every single information in all aspect.

Since young, my parents told me I am stupid, pig brain. Am I really so stupid? Am I really so worthless?

That is emotional abuse. Those abusing words coming out of the mouth of your love ones hurts badly.

Do you still love me?

You promise me you want to bring comfort to my life
You promise me you will want to share my burden
You promise me you will ease my suffering
You promise me you will take care of me unconditionally

I believe you will honor your promise
I believe in you
but
You break your promise
You break my heart

I insisted you are the one, when the world do not agree on our relationship
I turn my friends away who thinks you are a bad choice
I believe you can bring me happiness,
thus
I ease your pain by supporting you financially
despite the fact that I am in deep shit
I stood by your side when the world despise you

However, I can never imagine you have denial all the good deeds I had done for you.
You claim that I am using money to thrash you,
You claim that my financial support is not a big deal.
You believe I did not spend much on you when I have been providing the capital for your food and transportation every month when you run out of cash.
You disappoint me further by surging on luxury and non-necessity items.

Am I a fool?
Am I being cheated?
Do I deserve to love someone who does not appreciate what I had done for you?

You no longer remember our anniversary
You no longer give me surprises
You no longer pamper me
You no longer share the pain with me

I am standing alone, facing the world.
I feel so lonely
The only question I want to know is; Do you still love me like you used to be?

Love Management

Falling in love can be a sweet experience, but maintaining a relationship seems like a totally different ball game.

How to define Love. Is it just a feeling? When 2 people form a relationship, is it enough just being happy being with each other? Or there are other factors like money plays a big role in managing a relationship?

I have been pondering about these questions over the weekend. Evaluating the relationship, Im sad to say I had no idea where are we heading to. 3 years of episodes, will the story leads to a happy ending?

Love is hard work. I don't know if all the efforts are worthwhile.

Can someone tell me how to deal with bitches!!!

I really hate working together with the bitches... working is like a living hell to me now... they are really damn bitches and I have no one to turn to... sighh..I really wonder how I can endure working in this bitchy company (the population of this company is made up of 90% bitch) for almost a year. Its time.. to change job.